Being the age I am, and just today burning my first shirt with an iron is quite and accomplishment; to be completely fair – was it really my fault or was it the deceiving ‘note’ on the shirt, where it’s marked that it’s okay to iron it. I’m not really looking for the answer on, who’s fault it was – probably both sides. But it left me quite happy – not because I’ve ruined a shirt, that I’ve never even wore – but because I’m well into my twenties and this was my first burning shirts mishap.
Quite an achievement. Considering some a) don’t know how to iron, b) are horrible at it, c) don’t want to, d) are (despite their age) dependent on their mother (or sister), to iron for them. Not pointing any fingers – well, not openly pointing any fingers, but secretly thinking of a person who is guilty of all those four points. I am a very self-sufficient person – a do it myself kind of girl; and it is apparently extremely difficult for me to understand, why some depend on other so much. It may be, my controlling nature – where I have to have my life under control, if not I’m miserable, or the fact that I often sympathize (for lack of a better word) with people who are ‘supposed’ to do everything or more, just so that some live a very comfortable life. Since I was little, I’ve always told I’ll never cater a man back and forth, and do everything for them – and my mother always led me to believe, that (because I’ve used the word NEVER) I’ll automatically have to do so. My mother (as I believe) was raised in a way, where women sit (sit = ?) / ARE is probably better word – the ones who cook and clean and take care of the mess (that men produce), raise children and buy groceries ect.
Which reminds me – yesterday we were grocery shopping (see) and she was completely astonished when she saw, about 30-35 year old man with two small children grocery shopping – and she called that ‘modern lifestyle’. Maybe so, but in my opinion that is quite normal. That got me thinking about, how I don’t have any memories of ever going grocery shopping with just my father, when I was younger or even now – not that I’m complaining because being with him in a store is a pain, he is so slow, which is quite surreal actually, especially because he doesn’t like going to stores, or shopping or anything related – so, why so slow man?
But trying not to detour too much here – women are (I was at least) raised in a way where, we are led to believe that we should do all those things (and be amazing at it), in addition to go to work full time and running other errands that surface. Meanwhile, men go to work obviously, and occasionally clean around the house (outside – grass, leaves …) – that not including the garden which is the women’s responsibility. This is pretty much the ‘lifestyle’ I grew in – not saying that my father doesn’t work hard or anything – because his job is quite stressful and physically demanding – but still I’ve never understood the devision of ‘house work’ between my mother and father.
This ‘men don’t do housework’ is (at least in my case) going from generation to generation. My brother has many times stated ‘I’ll find someone who will do everything for me’ (or something to that effect). All good and well, if he really manages to find someone like that. I believe nowadays it is harder to find a women who will basically cater you back and forth; but hey my answer has always been – very sarcastically of course – ‘sure, why not’. What bothers me is the sense of entitlement that he has, and not worrying about other people and their feelings, tiredness. Thinking: you should do this for me, because you’re my mother, father, sister – but when you ask me for help, oh I’ll find an excuse to get out of it; when you ask to do something for you, I’ll make up an argument that proves, why I shouldn’t do that.
This has quite quickly turned into a rant against my brother, but that really was not my intention – however it always takes a rise in me, just thinking about his behaviour. I consider it an enormous privilege, that our parents are still willing to support us – and taking advantage is rude and disrespectful. I try to make my own money, save it and help around the house as much as I can – even if I only put the dishes in the washing machine, do my own laundry and ironing – which apparently results in burned clothes, and their laundry, cook and vacuum (at least for me and my floor, if not always for the whole house) – but on the other side there is my brother, who doesn’t seem to value the importance of money, and only spends – going out every night, holidays, cigarettes, God knows what else… He thinks that he is entitled to the second car (which was bought for me, my mum and him – but he drives it 80% of the time) and never pays for gas. Seriously, sometimes I think I drive it only when it needs to be filled up – and me or my mum get stuck with the bill – in all honesty my mother in vase majority of the cases, but still the bloody thing is always empty. Not to mention, I have to always reserve it (I’m not even joking) – and I still don’t get it all the time, because he throws a tantrum and I, as the older and wiser have to let go – but not without a lifetime memory of every time it happens. Uh, oh… it just aggravates me; but anyways.
Apparently I went in an entirely different direction, from where I started; which was – a burnt shirt, and the meaning of the phrase ‘that’s a women’s job‘ – which when used on me, results in a death stare and never letting you live down that you said THAT to me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind doing things for others, even for a man – what bothers me is the perception, that I MUST do all of the above, because I wasn’t born with a male reproductive organ – and that I also should not expect ever finding a man, who will want to do something nice for me for a change. Maybe solely because, when I was younger I’ve used the word ‘never’ in some wrong contexts. Possibly that is the reason why I’m still single, apparently I should just settle for a life of labour and doing things for men; not ever expecting a favour in return.
Ah, I don’t think that dark, or do I? But here is my shirt aftermath: